The reason I can’t sleep is because my heart won’t let me. Seriously. I know that might sound straight bananas, but its true, I’m sitting up listening to music and with each song I hear I find meaning, I feel myself searching for something substantial, something tangible, something real. Donnie Hathaway, Carl Thomas’ “I Wish”, Alicia Keys “Diary” … each song moving me similarly and differently at the same time. (If you’ve never tried Pandora.com you really should b/c they create a radio station for you based on what you tell em you like. And they very rarely miss with the songs they suggest for you.)
Ladies, the truth is that the Fellas, myself included worry, wish, wonder, and wait just as you do. Men are truly emotional creatures, some of us know how to express ourselves better than others but we are definitely beings driven by passion and the need to feel appreciated, relevant, and alive.
I was recently asked what I wanted and needed in a woman. I consider myself a man who is very aware of what he wants in life and also a person that is decisive when it comes to the big things, however, this question perplexed me some, or at least I thought so. The truth is the more I thought about what I wanted, the more I realized the answer is that I want “Complex Simplicity”. I want nothing and everything at the same time, I truly just want her to just “BE”.
I know my above description may seem complicated or just downright sound outlandish but allow me to elaborate. I have never found anything more attractive in a woman than the fact that she is Herself, the queen of her own court, a real person. Straight up… I can’t stand commercial chicks from the Baller chasers/boppers, to the I’m So Independent that I gotta let you know how independent I am chick, to the I’m Rebelling but don’t know what the hell my cause is chick.
I love the idea that a woman can “BE” without having to tat it on her ass, forehead, and Afro (respectively, LOL). This is not me judging or indicting a particular type of woman but merely me attempting to convey that we do dream about you, and hope for you, and believe that you are out there for us: A woman that is who she is because that’s who she is, not because that’s what she looks like, or because she’s what someone told her she should be, or because another dude broke her spirit and made her believe that Good Men that want to love you the right way CAN’T EXIST on this Planet.
The common misconception for many men is that women are difficult to figure out, but, I beg to differ. The way I figure out what a woman wants is by thinking about what I would want if placed In the same situation. That’s what I want, that’s what I want my woman to want: Reciprocity (a mutual admiration and respect that allows us to thrive on the ability to both give and receive from each other without feeling like it is an OBLIGATION). A scene from “the break-up” comes to mind where Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston get in an argument about washing the dishes. She tells him that she doesn’t want to have to ask him to wash the dishes because she wants him to want to wash the dishes. He responds “Why in the hell would I ever WANT to WASH the DISHES”. What she was really saying to him was (I just need to know that you have my back, that you are there with me, that you want me happy because it makes you happy, and I want you to know that I don’t WANT to WASH dishes EITHER, showing that you are willing to do something pleases me, and knowing that you expect me to do the hard stuff alone disappoints me). I want someone who wants to wash the dishes… I want someone that makes me want to wash the dishes.
I want the desire to please to come from a sincere place, I want genuine desire, genuine passion. I don’t want a girl that Blurts out “let’s have sex now” (LOL) I want a woman that knows how to get what she wants when she wants it and can convey it to me without even saying a word. I don’t want a Christmas, Birthday, and anniversary “headgiver” (lol hope I didn’t throw some of ya’ll off the story). Don’t fake the funk, if you don’t do it, don’t feel obligated. I’d like it a lot more if it came from a place with far less reason than an annual event occurring. I want to feel special every day… not just on special days. Don’t you?
I want her to be comfortable with me and I want to make her comfortable when she’s not. I want to listen to her because I just like hearing what she has to say and because I like being the one she wants to share her hopes with, her fears with, her joys, her triumphs. I want her to like me for the same reasons. I want somebody that I dream about, even as I lay right next to her, and someone I day dream about even as I awaken beside her. I want a woman who can enjoy playing childish games and laugh and joke when we make love, but who is mature enough to be able work through problems without reacting childishly when faced with those problems.
I want to be loved with a blind passion and want to be allowed to love with all of my heart all the time. I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to hurt or be hurt, because Men, despite the contrary beliefs, ARE VERY EMOTIONAL. How else would I justify sitting up at 5:20 a.m. talking about the type of love I want.
At times I feel void, I feel myself searching, I feel my heart wanting something “GOOD”. Something that makes me smile, someone I can make smile. We want the Movie to end like it does in “Hitch”, “Jerry McGuire” and any other film where the guy realizes that without this woman he will never be who he wants to be completely. I honestly want to make that speech. I want to meet the woman that has me at hello. I want The woman that I love so much that I stand in front of the car to try to stop her from walking out of my life. (No Stalker- Tip though Lol)
Right now on my radio station is a song playing called “Soulmate” by Natasha Beddingfield. Yah I think I could live with finding her or with her finding me, or with discovering I’ve already found her.
Which brings me back to a woman with complex simplicity. You are “complex” because you are unique. You are the only you that exists on this earth. No one else has your quirks, idiosyncrasies, or dreams. No one else has mine. What makes it “simple” is that we both share these characteristics and so long as we recognize it, understanding and learning from each other reveals that the desires that at times may seem so different when it comes to the sexes is really the same thing: Reciprocity born from love, rather than obligation.
